“Many people have asked why I grew this beard, and most of those people are my wife. And my answer to them is always the same: it’s an evolutionary signal to the mating population that says ‘No thank you. I’m all done. I’ve had children. My DNA is out in the world, my evolutionary purpose is fulfilled. I no longer deserve physical affection. It’s time for me to focus on my weird dad hobbies like puns and writing that book I always meant to write.”
John Hodgman on beards in a Daily Show interview about his new book, Vacationland.