Spring is officially here, and you know what that means. It’s almost time for white tees. A good white t-shirt is one of the most versatile pieces of clothing a guy can own. It works for almost any occasion, whether paired with denim and a pair of sneakers for an afternoon beer with buddies, or worn under a handsome leather jacket for a night on the town. So to help with your quest of finding the perfect one, here are five options for any budget, from $1,000 to $10,000.
Gucci Silk-Linen White Tee ($33,000)
Oookaaayy, we’re cheating here. This Gucci white tee is actually $33,000, but shrewd shoppers know it’s all about buying on sale. If you wait until August, you can find this at Mr. Porter in a size XXXXS at 70% off, putting it just under a cool ten grand — a steal if you can find someone to buy your kidney, which you only need one of to stay alive. Remember, fashion is all about value, and if you calculate this in terms of cost per wear, it’s $0.0000099/ wear if you wear it a billion times.
Raf Simons Cotton-Cotton White Tee ($10,000)
Belgian designer Raf Simons takes everything you love about a basic white t-shirt — a body, two short sleeves, and a hole at the top for your fat noggin — and updates it with a tremendously high price tag. This pristine, optical white, fine cotton t-shirt is an instant classic and will add to your crippling sense of anxiety as you constantly worry about it getting stained. It costs about as much a Nissan Versa — which is a useful tool for buying groceries and finding a job — but this will make you look slightly cooler than people wearing Hanes.
Brunello Cucinelli Cotton Jersey Tee (again $10,000)
Cucinelli’s approach to the basic white tee is a lot like their approach to tailoring: cut and craftsmanship are paramount, as well as a price tag that somehow exceeds the cost modern medicine and computer electronics. The company’s cotton jersey tee was made in Italy and comes in a regular ass fit. Wear this with Cucinelli’s $50,000 jeans and $1 trillion dollar hoodie for that effortless look. Just be sure to never take off that hoodie. The finely woven, gauzy cotton is kind of sheer, which means your nips will show as the tee weirdly clings to your body.
Balenciaga Streetwear White Tee (still $10,000)
If you haven’t heard, Demna Gvasalia is turning the fashion industry on its head by taking all the pretense out of design. Whereas Maison Margiela and Rick Owens can be overly conceptual, and traditional menswear is too stuffy, Gvasalia is more about remaking everyday clothing inspired by streetwear classics. This white tee, for example, looks exactly like something from Fruit of a Loom, but a celebrity once wore it. So it’s $10,000. Revolutionary!
Visvim Vintage-Inspired White Tee ($1,000 for you peons)
Good style doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. For readers on a budget, try Visvim’s vintage-inspired white t-shirt, which costs a fraction of some people’s annual college tuition. These are designed after something Hiroki Nakamura once found at a Parisian flea market for fifty cents, so it’s for people who appreciate authenticity. Note, these were made as part of the brand’s FW06 collection, which means you have to hunt for them on Yahoo Japan Auctions and find a seller who can understand the choppy Japanese you generated off Google Translate. Then, after buying, pray the item will somehow adequately cover your ogre-like body. At just $1,000, you can buy all the Visvim white tees you can dream of — assuming you can find them. Good luck!