The best and maybe most important show on TV in the 1990s (yes, better than Seinfeld), the Simpsons arguably should’ve retired a few years ago rather than trudge along with HD episodes that hang OK jokes on plots that have long since exhausted the narrative possibilities of the family unit. For years the show’s classic seasons, lines from which make up about 35 percent of Generation Xers’ speech, have aired in syndication but have been frustratingly hard to find online. FXX recently announced it bought the rights to the entire series and will be putting every episode online (in addition to airing all 522 in a row in August), a relief to nerds everywhere. In celebration, a few of my favorite style-related moments from the show:
Grandpa Simpson: I tied an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.
Homer: Look everyone, now that I’m a teacher I’ve sewed patches on my elbows.
Marge: Homer, that’s supposed to be leather patches on a tweed blazer, not the other way around. You’ve ruined a perfectly good jacket.
Homer: Ah, incorrect Marge, two perfectly good jackets.
Homer: I don’t want to look like a weirdo! I’ll just go with the muumuu.
Hank Scorpio: They laughed at me the first time I wore jeans with a sport coat. I was the first wealthy man in America to ever do that, now they all do it!
Homer: There’s only two kinds of guys who wear Hawaiian shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals.
Homer: Hugh, there’s something I want you to have. My Dad gave me his cufflinks on the day I married Marge and they brought us good luck. I couldn’t imagine a happier marriage. We don’t have many traditions in our family, but it would mean a lot to me if you kept this one alive.
Marge: Homer, I don’t think you should wear a short-sleeve shirt with a tie.
Homer: [groans] Ohhh, but Sipowicz does it.
Homer: So I want the monogram to read “M-A-X P-O-W … ”
Employee: Sir, traditionally, a monogram is just initials.
Homer: Max Power doesn’t abbreviate. Each letter is as important as the one that preceded it. Maybe more important! No, as important.
Employee: [sighing] Very well.
Homer: And if you’ve got enough room, add some exclamation points and a pirate flag.
Disco Stu: Disco Stu doesn’t advertise.
Mr. Burns: Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food, the only thing I’m hunting for is an outfit that looks gooooood.
[to the tune of “Be Our Guest”]
See my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there’s no better than authentic Irish Setter.
See this hat? ‘Twas my cat. My evening wear? Vampire bat.
These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino.
Grizzly bear underwear; turtles’ necks, I’ve got my share.
Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest;
Try my red robin suit, it comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest, see my vest!
Like my loafers? Former gophers! It was that or skin my chauffers.
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best.
So let’s prepare these dogs –
Woman: Kill two for matching clogs!
Burns: See my vest, see my vest, oh please, won’t you see my vest?
-Pete